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Jul. 29th, 2005 @ 01:58 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: contemplativethinking. always thinking
Current Music: Alanis Morresett
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So it's friday afternoon, my parent left for the boat this morning. My mother must have asked me if i was going to be okay at least 100 times. I promised her i would be, im not sure yet if i lied. I can get thru the days just fine, sometimes even pretend to smile, but it's the night time that really gets to me. Debi got her tattoo in memory of Aaron, i think emily and i might try to go get ours. they way she described her tattoo it sounded alot like the one im getting. weeks and weeks ago i drew out an idea that was an eternal friendship symbol and in the middle, although its not too obvious, there is an A. (now representing Aaron) it's a circle design about the size of a quarter. Above i am going to have Je t'aime. Emily is maybe going to have sucka po incorparated into her's but for some reason aaron never really said that to me. for us it was always je t'aime. Infact it's one of the last things I remember him saying. we were going into the water and he picked me up to throw me. when i came back up, before i could even open my eyes i was back in his arms again, but this time before throwing me he said of course "je t'aime" Emily and I plan on sending Debi pictures of our completely work. I hope it happenes this weekend.
I went last night to watch my dad's band play at Reno's. I mostly just tuned everything out and wrote in my journal. I feel very defeated right now. Everyone says i am being so strong but i dont see that at all. im trying to be okay for myself, but mostly for other people. im jealous of those who are laughing right now, but i know it will still come back to them eventually, maybe by the time they are ready to deal with it, i will be alot stronger and i can help them. maybe there is a reason for their actions. i dont want them to think i am judging how they are dealing/or aren't dealing. im just worried. scared. i dont know what to do or what to say.
tonight i am praying for some peace, even if it's temporary. i want everyone to gather at emily's for her birthday "extravaganza" i want to laugh with out reservation. i want everyone to be safe. i want it to be real and the fun to be leagal. i want to remember aaron and wish he was here but hold off on the tears for just a little while. i will do my part, i hope everyone else wants the same.
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From:[info]mescalinememory
Date: July 30th, 2005 04:49 am (UTC)
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andrea..i added you to my friends list...i just wanted to say that i seriously love you. i know we never were that close but aaron talked about you so much that i felt like i knew you. i am praying so hard for you. please give me a call if you ever need to. i enjoy talking with you and am so glad that i have gotten to know you better through aaron.


love you. and the Lord be with you.
From:[info]james1_22
Date: July 30th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
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Andrea Honey, everyone deals with death in their own way. When you are ready, you will laugh again, and when that time comes, do not feel guilty about it. Aar was always good at doing something to lift the mood around here when I would be down. He would be the first to encourage all of us to get on with things and to live life to the fullest. I know, this is easier said then done because I am not living what I just wrote...but it sounds good doesn't it?!

I would love to send you a picture of what my tat looks like...umm...how do I do it? I don't have a digital camera.

By the way, my AOL IM is wannabedomestic.

Be strong when you feel like it, and weak when you don't. Just don't dwell in the weak too long Sweetie.

Debi